I’m a nervous wreck of anxiety….new nursing grad
I’m a new grad and been working seven months. Here is my experience with it, so far. I’m not saying I hate it. I don’t even know where to begin.
I’ve been a nervous wreck since I started this career. I’ve been told that the first year is always the hardest. Before coming to work or when I know I’m coming to work, I always get this nauseous feeling. I don’t even want to eat. Nurses that have been there longer tell me that it goes away in about a year and a half. I still have it, but it’s getting better. I still have episodes of anxiety every now and then. Let me tell you about the sleep deprivation: I work nights (7a-7p) and my sleeping pattern is a mess. Even on my days off I can’t sleep at night. I usually end up sleeping between 3-6 am and get up around 7am. Like today, I got up at 7 am and I couldn’t get back to sleep. I sleep between 9pm-11pm sometimes, when I’m really tired. When I do fall asleep at 9pm, I wake up at 3am – it’s as if my body thinks I’m still at work.
Every time I come to work I worry about what’s going to happen and who is going to get mad at me that day. When I leave I worry about what I might have forgotten & if I’ll get in trouble and I can’t sleep. Some nurses that I’ve opened up to about this, tell me that they still feel that way after 20 years. Who in their right mind would like to feel this way every time they come to work for 10-20 years? I have a lot of respect for those who hang in there, someone has to do it.
I am so relieved when my days off are coming near and when I think about having to work the next day I feel like I’m going to throw up. I’ve had some good days and bad. I’ve had those days where I just want to rip my hair out. Those ER admits throw me off and I’ve had some family members treat me like I’m a waitress. It’s a good thing I can ask for help when I need it. I’ve also had those days where I couldn’t even go to the bathroom or being so hungry that I shake.
I work at a sub intensive unit. After my probation is over, I’m going to ask for a transfer to a different unit. Maybe it’s because I’m new and inexperienced. Everyday I’m faced with a new situation. I’m always unsure of myself, so I have to be extra careful. As a new grad, they try to give me the most stable or lightest assignment, but in this unit no patient can be considered light. You never know what will happen to them, one minute they’re fine and the next minute they can crash. The stress level is too high. I think need to start taking something for anxiety. I can’t take another day of this.
I’m glad this site is here so I can vent and share my feelings about this. I don’t feel comfortable with sharing this with anyone at work because people talk. After reading all these posts about nursing it feels better knowing that I’m not alone. I noticed that the most posts come from people that work in nursing and McDonalds.
That's because you probably don't know anything yet. If you are smart, you'll learn from those experienced LPNs. Believe it or not, they are just as skilled as the RNs and often a helluva lot more experience.
I believe any job is nerve racking to some degree when you are the new kid on the block. One thing that was helpfull to me 18 years ago when I first became a nurse was keeping a journal. List the things that your worried about in your patient skill set and then pick one at a time to improve upon it. Next, make a list of what you were satisfied with each day. In short order more positives will begin to appear.
Nursing is a wonderful profession with some unique problems. I truly believe that you can not make other peoples problems your own and by keeping in mind we are there to improve the heath those we serve you will receive more then you ever give.
Sincerely,
A bedside staff nurse of 18 years!
Not eating well, not resting - remember the long term effects of cortisol overload? Stress. Develop a nursing care plan for yourself. Take relaxing hot baths before bed. Exercise if your doctor allows it. Also, make sure you take your vitamins and eat small healthy snacks (yogurt, an apple, granola bar). Stock your locker and duck in once in a while for a 2 minute mini vacation. Eat in the bathroom if you have to but don't let your Blood Glucose drop to the level where you shake. (I have inhaled plenty of mini-meals) B-complex vitamins are depleted by stress. Remember, a depletion in B vits is what makes your CNS allow you to "feel" anxiety. So you are probably running really low. The body needs balance, it took me awhile to realize I can't be my best if I feel my worst.
Also, please don't turn to substances, I am sure you have seen the long (and short) term effects. They are never good, especially for nurses.
So document girls because if you didn't document it you didn't do it.
Oh yes & if you turn it around if you document it you did it, which basically means you can sit on you ass do nothing collect you salary and long as you good at documentation which is what nursing has now boiled down to you can keep your job. The reason the hospital does not provide enough staff is because they don't give a shit. But as soon as something is wrong with a document they call you on the carpet for it. If a patient dies due to something you did wrong they will cover for you because they can also be held liable and this would not be good for business. As far as the hospital is concerned documentation is key and do-gooders with a conscious are a problem. So get with the game forget about the patient and start writing, who knows maybe you could bang out a few novels while on the clock.
Because the nurses who really care don't lie, they know it's a dead end they have witnessed the torment I have endured and had to remain silent because no one listens to the unlicensed assistive personal. We are not allowed a voice and in that sense we are the unsung heroes. I think nurses endue the same degradation but on a different level, I know the grass is not greener on the other side. I would also like you to know that I have an associate degree in surgical technology but hospitals continue to train housekeeping and other assistive personal for these jobs ensuring that patients don't get the appropriate service they deserve. They cannot learn in 5 weeks what it took me 2 years to get at a top rate 2 year associate degree program. But they get the same salary and they really are in the dark in regard to knowledge.
When I finally got moved to day shift once a week, I was bounced around 3-4x to some nurses working 3 patients each that didn't want the hassle of having a student and would just ignore me. When I finally got the (last) one who actually WAS going to have me do real student nurse role, she was furious I of course dind't know how to chart to unit standards, et al. She then went and compalined to the the clinical director that I was some little moron who for "all the time" I'd been on the unit, I didn't know how to do any of the things the night nurses wouldn't show me , such as say how often they did pulmonary assessments (and got mad when I persisted). The clinical director promptly blamed me for everthing. Surely that was the easist thing to do, and she's "never" had personnel problems on her two units before this (yet somehow she has about 40% or higher turnover rates on at leaset one of them the past year).
After I finally graduated less than two weeks into orientation apparently I didn't hold a catheter exactly so in an IV training excercise. The clinical educator said nothing to me and then went and sent a nasty email about it to my clinical director. With the above as background, she promptly tossed me off the unit. So I had to go through general company orientation not even knowing what unit I would be on. She also wouldn't let me do any more clinical hours because once I wasn't going to be on the unit she wasn't going to waste a dime of her precious budget on me. (whereas as a new grad surely I was loaded and didn't need the money).
All of this is true with God as my witness.
Gee, and you wonder why you have trouble getting nurses to stay in the industry? I'm thinking of doing something for better pay and less stress: like minesweeping or air traffic control.
A pox to those of you experienced nurses that treat new ones like this. And you wonder why the President is bringing in Phillipina's to replace you? It's NOT just that they're cheaper - they're far far more professional; they don't play these games.
Understand I'm saying this as a business-savvy second-career nurse with a successful previous career. I ain't a kid.
I couldn't have said it better myself. I have been an RN for only 2 months and feel everything that you are feeling. I work nights on a med-surge unit. Sometimes, the only nurses on the floor are an LPN, the charge RN, and me! ME, who feels as if I know nothing yet. How is that safe for patients? I really don't think that the hospital cares, as long as there is a "nurse" there. I go in to work not only wondering who will get mad at me today, but what skill will I have to do that I have never done, or how many times will I have to stick to get the IV started on a 90 year old with leather skin? Can I get all this rediculous amount of charting done before everything falls apart at 0700 a.m. and I am so tired I can't even think anymore? I don't even feel like a nurse yet, I feel like a fraud. I'm tired of being treated like crap and the attitude from the patients' families. My sleeping patterns are beyond screwed up from working nights. On my days off, I sleep all day and get nothing accomplished. My apartment is a mess, my bills are late, I am disorganized, almost don't even want to see my friends. My days off are beyond precious! I am so depressed, I don't even have the desire to shop with my "big" nursing paycheck. I never thought I would see the day that I was too depressed to shop. My job is awful. I want to leave and find something else already, but at the same time, I would like to stay a year for experience. I hope I can stand it. I hope maybe clinic work would be better....hell, I may go be a cruise ship nurse. I have never hated a job in this way before. I am not myself lately.
The family was set to sue anyone at any moment, and confronted staff constantly. The young girl also had a touch of dishonesty, which made it worse. I plan to apply to a nursing home, to get back to what I know, but I am sure that will present me with a whole new set of problems too. Why did I go into nursing?
Nursing sucks. Good nurses don't last. The best nurses I know leave the profession because they did not enter the profession to be abused or to kiss doctor and management ass. The ones who remain play the game. which is lie lie lie , deny deny dey , until you die die die. In fact they often fool them selves because they have to protect their own egos. They take on the sick mentality of our warped healthcare system. & I use the term healthcare system loosely, its really is a sick care system. We do nothing to promote healthy lifestyles and then offer the magic pill when the grim reaper appears. Sure you life will be extended but you will live in misery with the complications. Meanwhile back at the ranch big daddy is counting his money & it's never enough. And when I say Big Daddy I mean the pharmaceutical companies, the medical devise companies, the hospitals the doctors & every other animal that is in it for their own gain & does not give a dam about the patient who is also know as the liability.
So document girls because if you didn't document it you didn't do it.
Oh yes & if you turn it around if you document it you did it, which basically means you can sit on you ass do nothing collect you salary and long as you good at documentation which is what nursing has now boiled down to you can keep your job. The reason the hospital does not provide enough staff is because they don't give a shit. But as soon as something is wrong with a document they call you on the carpet for it. If a patient dies due to something you did wrong they will cover for you because they can also be held liable and this would not be good for business. As far as the hospital is concerned documentation is key and do-gooders with a conscious are a problem. So get with the game forget about the patient and start writing, who knows maybe you could bang out a few novels while on the clock.
Hopefully nursing will be better than nursing school? At least I won't have to do all this homework. Also I work at a place that is union so I don't have some of the management problems that non-union hospitals have (although of course the union comes with its own set of issues!)
I'm with you and I longing that things being what they are take oneself to be sympathize a real family. So paralysed a progress it all later to plead and demand what next ...
regards
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Its not that difficult really. Just give as much information as possible, itll be easier for everyone in the long run.