Nursing Sucked the Life Out of Me

I wake up every morning and say the Our Father to myself in order to get me through another day of backstabbing, demoralization, and disappointment in humanity. I am a RN-BSN.

PLEASE reconsider if you are considering becoming a nurse because I know once that time/money is invested in a education, you have reached the point of no return as I have and must suffer in a despised “career” until a) retirement or b) marry rich.

Let me begin by saying prior to picking nursing as my major, I simply didn’t know any better. I grew up rather sheltered. I didn’t realize how morally corrupt common people are, and it is largely “common” (i.e. coarse, uncultured) people you will find in nursing. I was sheltered but very smart, and was raised to think I can do anything in this world. Such high hopes. I was accepted to a top-notch nursing school, thinking I was headed for a swell career in taking care of others, personal fulfillment and making some good scratch. I thought I would learn something new everyday and never get soul weary. Forgive me, I was young, naive. I had some silly Mary Poppins idea of what my life would be like, as if I’d float home utilizing an umbrella in the clouds singing after a long day of “making a difference.”

Forget that, here’s reality: wiping hairy blubbery ass after ass, being a punching bag for crazy hormonal co-workers/management, being disrespected by asshole patients and insubordinate nursing aids, being treated by visitors like a glorified maid at a 5 star hotel in the tropics. Feh. These nursing aids are ghetto morons who can’t get real jobs/real education so the hospital hires them as dirt cheap labor and since most of them are black and the nurses are not so black there are racial tensions always. Everytime I complete 1 menial task for 1 stinky interchangeable ungrateful patient, I am pummeled with another three menial tasks for another interchangeable patient (ad nauseum) to the point where I feel like I am stretched so thin, too thin, that I have nothing left to give of myself to family and friends that truly matter to me. Its true, nursing will slowly but surely suck you dry. Death by a thousand paper cuts. My days off I try to recover mentally and physically and then drag myself in for more punishment. After each shift I drive home with fresh wounds (mainly inflicted by cannabilistic co-workers) begging myself not to overeat once I step through the threshold of my home because food is the only comfort I now have.

I remember the spunky girl I was in my early 20’s, so full of piss and vinegar and this joke of a career has beaten that spunk right outta me. I go to work in a position where no matter how hard I work, no matter how much of my heart I put into caring for my patients (and becoming emotionally fraught in the process) I am still only seen as just one measly screw in a giant machine. If I fall off no one will remember, know or care because in a week because some new sucker will be there to replace me. This knowledge has caused me to blockade my heart the second I clock in to start a shift because I need to preserve what’s left of my spirit. I see myself becoming weary and angry like my co-workers and I guess its inevitable that you become calloused in order to keep your place in this nursing jungle. Survival of the fittest: if I am nice, its perceived as weak and the weak ones in the jungle get eaten.

I should have seen the warning signs. Clinical instructors thought nothing of making students burst into tears at inopportune times. They did this because they too feel the oppression of nursing and want other to eat shit like they have had to for years. Then the next generation of nurses comes along and they get eaten alive by older ones. This is a classic saga of the animal kingdom. Yes, I get paid well. Yes, I will always have a job. But my quality of life is marginal at best. I spend so much of my life at work and its pure misery. I no longer care about my patients. I just fulfill my duties to earn a paycheck and not get my arse sued or written up by management.

I used to read philosophy, history, and hold passionate political views: all now gone because I am a nurse hence I don’t really matter. The public doesn’t care what a damn nurse thinks. We suck. I have had to clean every foul human drainage known to man and after doing it there’s always another pile of vomit or pus or shit to wipe, no recognition from the higher ups, and woe be it to you if your good upbringing will prompt you to be kind to your bitchy equally miserable co-workers. They will indulge you, they will be kind to you in return, but then any personal info I give them pertaining to my life or boyfriend or even what I ate will be spread and twisted throughout the dang floor. The Bible says something about how small minded idiotic people are prone to gossip and this rings true for nursing.

In the past 5 years, I’d say roughly 85% of the nurses I work with clearly come from low-class backgrounds and are doing grunt work and they know it. They are not too attractive, veer towards frumpy, so they end up marrying shitty second-rate men and they end up being the female breadwinners for their homes because wealthy men don’t want to deal with their whiny retard assess. They have to labor like donkeys to put food on the table to raise their grubby kids and they do this by working peon-level jobs where everyone toils in misery (and shit-endless human brown shit). These circumstances would make anyone lash out and boy do they ever: enter backstabbing, petty gossip, jealously.

It’s 110% true: nurses eat their young because they are unfulfilled and will be eternally in this line of work in which one is paid for their back not their mind even if they went to a top-notch 4 year school wracking up mega school loan debt.

Please don’t be a nurse. No one will respect you and you will end up bitter and have a black view of the world by the time you hit thirty. Why, just today we had a floor staff meeting and our manager announced she hired three new grad nurses starting next week. “Fresh meat for ya’ll,” she says, and the wenches laughed because they knew it was true. Now they were going to get another chance to stomp on a new nurse’s innocence and watch them flounder in their new “careers” because it gives them a sense of fleeting power. Power they have scant of elsewhere in their dismal lives. I am doing the only sane thing I can do which is apply to NP school and then I can write orders to put dumbass floor nurses in their place amen.