Registered Nurse – exhausted, anxious, and trapped

This past weekend I worked a 12 hour shift both Saturday and Sunday. By the time I reached home I was burnt toast. It was impossible to complete what was expected of me in the 12 hours that I worked. I was so exhausted by the time I got home, I couldn’t unwind.

I laid down and quickly got up with a feeling I can only describe as dread. I felt like I was dying. Strange. A heart attack came to mind, but I had none of the symtoms. I felt that I could not lay down and go to sleep, because if I did I would not wake up. Knowing that I was scheduled to work the next day didn’t help. There would be more of the unreasonable pace. No time for lunch break, or to use the bathroom. I later determined that this was exhaustion.

I have been a nurse for 23 years, and I HATE IT. Not the patients, or the profession itself. But these damn suit and tie wearing bastards who sit on a board and are interested in nothing but the dollar itself. These are the people who are controlling my life, and I have Absolutely no say.

I am tired of being the nurse, aide, therapist, and doctor in some cases. I am tired of the extremely long hours. And I am especially tired of neglecting my family and friends. I feel trapped. There are bills to be paid. And if I go elsewhere it’s just more of the same thing.

Dear God, help me make another day.